In 1967, Betty Andreasson Luca was abducted by aliens who reportedly immobilized her family before beaming her up and implanting some sort of device in her brain. They communicated to her (presumably telepathically, since she she claimed it wasn’t vocal) that they were performing experiments on her to prepare for a planetary revolution. Mutual UFO Network investigator Ray Fowler hypnotized her, and then worked with her for a decade before deciding that she was either the world’s greatest actress or had actually been abducted.
Too bad Luca didn’t have Alien Abduction Insurance.
Who sells alien abduction insurance?
At present, only two companies are known for their policies. Lloyd’s of London has provided at least one policy, and one London firm has sold at least 30,000 policies. The St. Lawrence Agency out of Florida was one of the first, and seems to be the only “real” alien abduction firm in the US. An impressive number of people have purchased this policy as well, because you just never know what the future holds. Companies do admit though, that many purchasers are not exactly mentally sound. On the other hand, Shirley MacLaine is reputed to have purchased the policy herself.
Is this some kind of scam?
While it may sound like a wild scam, the founder has been featured on Fox News. You can even insure your loved ones and name yourself as beneficiary. St. Lawrence Agency tries to cover everything. The original 20 bucks covers an entire lifetime of abductions, and for those who get beamed up more than once, they have a frequent flier option. If you can prove you have been beamed up, you get medical care afterwards (including psychological treatment, because the company knows the transition period can be difficult) and sarcasm coverage for disbelieving family and friends. The policy doubles if you are impregnated by aliens (and yes, that extends to men, since who knows what their technology might entail) or if the aliens consider you to be their new food source.
How much does it cost?
For the low, low price of $19.95 plus shipping, you too can be insured through St Lawrence just by accessing their website and providing your credit card number. They provide you with a framed policy detailing their coverage, as well as the claim sheet so you can fill it out after abductions. To date, only two people have been approved...possibly because the claim requires the signature of one of the aliens who abducted you.
Twenty bucks isn’t bad for a 10 million dollar payout; 20 million if you’re knocked up or eaten. But here’s the real kicker: the payout comes a dollar year, for 10 million years or the rest of your life -- whichever comes first. So if you live in the middle of nowhere and have been seeing strange lights, or if you’re looking for that one of kind gift you know no one else will get your mother in law, alien abduction insurance might be just what you’re looking for. And don’t forget if the aliens come back looking for conjugal visits, that qualifies you for the 20 million dollar payout at two dollars a year. Once you get that alien signature, you can make back the money you spent on the policy in just 20 to 40 years!
