All of Every Other Star Wars Thing on Video
For the price of a pair of Episode VII tickets, you can buy all of the rest of the Star Wars canon on Blu-Ray. Granted, if you're thinking about paying this much for premier tickets, you probably already have most of these things, but still.
The "Complete Saga" of all six films is $98.29 right now on Amazon. (The "Special Editions" instead of the theatrical release, but what can ya do?) You can get Seasons 1-5 of Clone Wars in a region-free box set on Amazon right now for $66.48, and the "Lost Missions" that aired on Netflix after the show was cancelled for $24.96. The new show, Rebels, is currently $33.81 for the first season. Add that all up and you've spent $223.54, putting you in the low end of premier ticket prices with a little left over to track down Genndy Tartakovsky's brilliant Clone Wars miniseries. It was removed from the canon recently, but that doesn't change the fact that it was better than all of the prequels combined.
Mega Man's Helmet and Blaster
Capcom unveiled a wearable Mega Man helmet due out in 2015, and it makes a great a great complement to the Mega Buster replica that ThinkGeek unveiled last year. The plucky video game hero has been a nerd icon since 1987, across 7 game franchises, numerous TV shows, and a decently long-running comic from Archie. The helmet goes for $150 and the blaster is $80, and together that puts you right in the midrange for some Star Wars premier tickets.
The Entire Marvel Cinematic Universe
You like Marvel movies? We're gonna buy us some Marvel movies. We can't afford to buy the super-deluxe box sets with the Infinity Gems in them (I am NOT a nerd! You're a nerd! Shut up!) But we are buying the Blu-Rays new (not in 3D) straight from Amazon, without even bothering to comparison shop. You can get all 12 movies, including an Ant-Man preorder, both seasons of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and the Agent Carter series, all for $404.10.
LEGO Death Star
Are LEGOs super expensive these days? Yup. Is this thing awesome? Yes. Yes, it is. It's like 16"x16", made with over 3,800 pieces, comes with 25 little LEGO Star Wars dudes, and has over a dozen rooms where you can play out nearly every Death Star scene from both A New Hope and Return of the Jedi, with a crazy level of tiny, adorable LEGO detail. You can read an insanely detailed account of this thing here. It'll put you out about $400, but it's a lot more eye-grabbing than a ticket stub that says you were there for Episode VII the second it came out.
Several Large Batmobiles
Batman is awesome, and the Batmobile is one of the most iconic parts of the whole Batman mythos. You don't even have to like Batman to appreciate it, if you like cars, or good design, or watching concepts of "cool" change over time. You can get a two-foot-long replica of the sleek, art-deco Batmobile from the 90's animated series for $100.
Let's go older-school for the next one, to this 20-inch Batmobile from the 1966 Adam West show. This little beauty from Mattel is $87.89. Just for kicks, let's throw in this foot-long replica of the big tanky Batmobile from the Dark Knight movies. It's $142, and comes with a swatch of material from the capes in the films. Now you've got a house full of awesome Batmobiles, for less than $400. If you want to go harder, most of these come in $300 scale models, or you could start collecting the Eaglemoss Batmobiles at $20 a pop. The downside is there's like over 50 of those...
Aragorn's Sword from Lord of the Rings
This is Anduril, Flame of the West, forged from the shards of Narsil. The blade that was broken is forged anew, and it's over four feet long, covered in Elven runes, and yours for 300 bucks. (Actually, it's only $180 if you don't care about the scabbard.) Hang it proudly in your living room, where it totally won't fall and whack someone on the head with 13 pounds of stainless steel.
Star Trek Home Makeover
If you prefer your science fiction to be a little less "Joseph Campbell" and a little more "secular humanist," deck out your living room with awesome Star Trek stuff. You can pick up this minifridge that looks like the Borg ship and still have enough money for this old-school phaser that doubles as a TV remote. While we're at it, why don't we get a door chime that makes your doors sound like the Enterprise's and a bath mat and shower curtain that turn your bathroom into the teleporter. There, you've basically given your entire house a Star Trek makeover, and you've spent about $380, or "still not in the top of our price range."
A PS4 or XBox One and a copy of Star Wars: Battlefront
A modern video game console is more than just for video games. You can play Blu-Rays, stream with Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon Prime, and do video chats, because apparently we live in the future now. If talking to people on your TV isn't sci-fi enough for you, you can always throw in a game or two. Depending on when you buy, a game may be included, but even if it isn't, pick up Star Wars: Battlefront for your Star Wars fix. Both game consoles are about $350 right now, and Battlefront is going to cost $60 to $70 on each of them.
You can buy 1500 ladybugs for 6.99, but that's thinkin' small. Buy 71 of them. Because you can. $496 may seem like a lot to shell out all at once, but how often do you get to buy 106,500 of anything?
The Portal Gun
Okay, not a functioning one, obviously, but take a look at this. Look at how sleek that is. It's got the whole "sinister Apple device" thing happening, and it lights up and makes the little portal noises. Short of it actually ripping holes in space, there's not much else you could want from this thing. 350 You still have enough money to get a plush weighted companion cube ($23), a plush, talking turret ($43), Chell's jumpsuit, ($84) and an Aperture Science tank top ($20). We're at the high end of our budget now at around $520, but you still have a dollar to go buy a cake mix and make yourself a moist, delicious cake.