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10 Things You Never Knew You Could Buy

10. Traffic Striping Paint

You know the paint they use to make parking lots and road lanes? You can just go to Home Depot and buy that. Do whatever you want with it. Turn your favorite vacant lot into a parking lot. Pull some Wile E. Coyote shenanigans and reroute the roads in your neighborhood. This much power was never meant for the hands of mortals, but here it is.

(image via Home Depot)

9. 4,500 Live Ladybugs

To be fair, these do actually serve a purpose — they wipe out aphids that destroy gardens. Still, it's...4,500 live, wriggling insects, forced into a kind of cryopreservation and crammed into a bag that you can order from Amazon. They start waking up when you let them stay in the warmth for too long. Even for people who appreciate these adorable little guys, 4,500 is a creepy number of any living creature to have just lying around.

8. POOP Sign

It's like a stop sign, but it says "POOP" instead. That's all that needs to be said about this.

(image via Topatoco)

7. Three-Pound Gummy Worms

Weighing in at a solid three pounds, this gummy worm costs $28 and contains 4,000 calories. The website says that it's "128 times larger than the average gummy worm," and that is definitely a selling point to somebody out there. Don't worry about the calories, though — you have a full year to eat this thing before it goes bad. Each worm has two flavors, and you get to pick your flavor combination, which is kind of a relief. You wouldn't want to be stuck with a pound and a half of gummy flavor that you didn't like. 

(image via vat19)

6. Fireplace for Your Home

Despite the name, this is not a fireplace. This is a DVD that plays a movie of a fireplace. You could probably get an electric heater that looks like a fireplace, or build a fire outside, but why do that when you can pay $11 for a one-hour video of a fire? There's actually an entire line of DVDs in this series to broaden your faux-fire experience, but according to one Amazon review, the original Fireplace for Your Home is "THE BEST & MOST REALISTIC FIREPLACE DVD."

(image via Amazon)

5. A Question Block

The fine folks at 8-Bit Lit have created a lamp that looks just like the question blocks from the Super Mario Bros. games. Do you turn them on by tapping the bottom of them? Of course you do. They cost $60, or you can pay an extra $20 to get a little stand with it. 

(image via 8-Bit Lit)

4. Han Solo Ice Cube Tray

You can buy lots of vanity ice cube trays with all kinds of geeky references attached to them, but none of them will ever be more perfectly apropos than having your very own frozen Han Solo. There's also a spherical Death Star mold so you can put a Death Star in your whiskey, which is cool, but again — frozen Han Solo.

(image via ThinkGeek)

3. The Melting Clock

Hello, Dali! This clock calls to mind the surrealist classic The Persistence of Memory. It also just looks cool. It's a great gift for your art school friends or a great way to make your boss angry when they tell you that your desk is too messy. Either way, it's a great conversation starter.

(image via Amazon)

2. A Trophy

Okay, this isn't really surprising, but have you ever thought about it? You can just go out to a store and buy a trophy that says literally anything you want it to. Make absurd claims about whatever achievement you want. You've got a trophy to back it up. Or, buy yourself a cup with a plaque that reads "YOU BOUGHT A TROPHY!" and display it proudly on your mantelpiece.

1. Uranium Ore

You can buy this. Like, on Amazon. It's supposedly a relatively low-radiation sample, but it still comes in a tin with enormous warnings all over it. It says that you can use it to test your Geiger counter, but it seems like there should be a way to do that without handling uranium ore.
(image via Amazon)